Promises Promises
26 april 09
Dear R,
I hope that this email does not make things worse between us as friends, really good ones. But i hope to be a better friend to you because that’s where we came from. I want to be a better friend to you.
I understand things now fully in clarity the stakes, about my promises for marriage, your parents, your sister and your self. I know that i am late in this but better late then never. I understand that, i should’ve done everything u’ve said but it doesnt matter now, unless i do something miraculous and win toto.
I just want u to know, that i understand how your parent’s and sister’s situation are now on your shoulders now, heavier than ever, as u grow. Especially, when u are wanting to enjoy yourself and do what u want. That because of the debts, money issues and economic downturn, things are affecting you.
That even if things were the way we felt it should be, that we were together now. The problems will arise financially, for as long as it takes. And with us getting together based on my attitude would be worse. That it would be bad even for any body i want to marry in the future, and esp with you when u needed that security.
The numbers are difficult, the stakes are high. I want you to know that i am here, as a sincere friend for you as well.
The stakes are high for me as well economically for me to consider marriage and a future with you, very very high, had i gotten a job last year, i could’ve earned some savings. I feel stupid for spending so much now. But I am focusing on my own financial security and independence for whatever is to come, because i feel the implications so much now that i can’t sleep its scary. Apart from that, i hope to earn enough after that, to secure a future with you, your family and your sister. For the second part, its uncertain to everyone, because of my spending habits and my attachment towards small useless temporary things, namely music. Yes its going to take some time, but there is hope because even though time is against me and my broadened urgency to help you, i have and will act on the hope that all things are possible, through love.
I can do it R. I believe in it.
Its very easy to crap out, but i will not make things that happened between us meaningless. I am very certain.
I want to act, fast, and for the right people and reasons in my life.
